12.08.13- Rage, Rage, Rage, Countdown to Uni and Cat Abduction

Hi again. I am alive.
You wouldn't be if you'd got on the wrong side of me recently though.

"HI I'M NATALIE, PISSED OFF TO MEET YOU.".

Today has seen me the most positive I've been in quite a while. I have been so boiling with rage the last few weeks I've hardly known what to do with myself. I can't handle conflict, and some people have really screwed me over lately. I hate the feeling that I'm despised by someone, somewhere. I know it's not realistic for everybody to be your mate, but getting a new enemy or two feels like a great big kick in the metaphorical testicles. It has me rolling around crying on the metaphorical football field. As for optimism, I've made Eeyore look like Motivational Speaker of the Year.
I THINK I NEED TO GET BACK TO UNIVERSITY.
As a result, everything makes me mad. Everything.

Here is my recent list of Mad:

• Trying to dig into my psychology-- don't. If I am in a mood, just leave me be in a mood. You are not a psychologist. I do not need your therapy. I have not had any recent deep psychological trauma. I just need a fucking coffee.
• Smushy-slobbery Facebook PDA-- your profile picture should show yourself, not what the side of your face looks like when it's mashed up against another person's mouth. And please reel in your tongues. And stop publicly calling each other 'snugglebum', I have a very sensitive stomach.

  

  No.

•  Children who gawp. Constantly-- go away, your eye contact is not cute, you are small and horrible.
• Running out of teabags-- just no.
• Failed Prince Charmings-- "Oh, your mate Nat...she's alright-looking isn't she? She's not so bad?" Thank you very much Brad fucking Pitt, yeah I suppose I'm passable if you just squint a bit.
• Insomnia-- there really are only so many cryptic crosswords you can attempt at 1am, 3am and 5am.
• "Pills-will-make-it-better" panic attack solution-- No, doctor, they won't. Unless sleepless nights, worsened panic attacks, major paranoia and losing any sense of libido puts a big smile on your face.Four days in and Michael Fassbender could have strutted in naked and waving his penis and I would have told him to move so I could see the TV. 
• "How's your love life?"-- it's just as uncomfortable to answer as being asked "so how are your bowel habits?"

Things are now improving. I have a trip to London to look forward to with one of my best friends in the world, I have lots to sort out for the English Society and the student blog, I have seen Monsters University (twice), have more productivity in terms of writing than ever, and very very slowly am s

When selecting a tattoo, it's important
to choose something meaningful

tarting to get to the gym and running again (though 4 miles is pretty pitiful when you consider that I used to average about 10 miles a time, easily). I am also treating myself to a literary tattoo I've been wanting for ages (no, it will not be "Nat 4 Macbeth" or "SPANK ME MR GREY" inked across my arse).

I'm looking forward to getting enough confidence back to start reading again at poetry nights too. And catching up with all the people I haven't seen in a while. 

And drinking vodka and panicking over deadlines and writing lots and lots and lots and meeting new people and pushing Freshers over in corridors and losing library books and attending socials and working with published writers and befriending local cats and being mean to boys and sipping JC's tea whilst trying to look studious but actually just looking at nice arses in jeans.

TIME TO THINK POSITIVE. (Do I hear an excuse to go clothes-shopping? ...online, though. I hate both people and changing-rooms).

There has been one thing which has made me laugh uncontrollable lately though. No matter how furious I am, next door's cat will always put a grin on my face. It is long-haired, always has a messy little mouth and looks like it's been smacked hard in the face with a pan.

It is brilliant.

It's the face. It's that flat face.
Flat face cat. Brill.

My little brother being something of an evil minion/sidekick, I have now drummed it into him what he must do when he sees Gizzy prowling the lawns.

Me: "What do we do if we see Gizzy?"

Callum: "Put him in a box and bring him to Nat."

Me: "Good boy."

He is a fast learner.

Operation Cat-Nap has begun.

Now that's something to grin about.

Love, rainbows and smiles (I promise) :)

xx