25.06.13- A Brief Update, a Konked-Out KA and The "Cool Kids" From School

Well I haven't kept this up very well, have I?
No. No, Holborow, you haven't. 

Cake for my colleagues. A simply tragic design
of myself at the checkout.

Sorry. Possibly because the last few months have been so eventful I've eventually just burnt out completely and need this little time to unwind so I can give more time to my stories, poems, volunteering and to updating this ridiculous little blog. I've spent most of the last fortnight sleeping and working overtime and not a lot else but yesterday I unzipped the Sainsbury's fleece (oi oi) for the last time and now it's time to finally have a little breather after 3 years of bloody hard work before I embark on my MA in September.
I'm very excited to be co-editing The Siren this year and taking up a new role as president of the English Society. I can't wait to terrify all the little freshers into paying membership fees and flushing their heads in the toilet if they fail to recite Macbeth in reverse.
I'm not going to bore you with an in-depth account of what I've been up to, but the main things are:

• Passing my degree with first class honours (surprisingly without offering sexual favours in red ink on the front of my exam papers. Everyone knows it's blue or black pen only).
• Going on a spontaneous trip to Ireland as part of the exciting new WISPA exchange project for poetry. It was fantastic, the people were wonderful, 98% of my Euros went on wine and I spent an entire day not exploring Wexford as planned, but drinking tea in the bath with a hangover. 

  

  An important part of any literary project: checking out ass

• The Terry Hetherington Awards evening which I can safely say was one of the best nights of my life. The talent there was remarkable, I took home some beautiful prizes and met some wonderful people. 

  

  ""I'M NOT AFTER GLORY,
  I'M AFTER SPARTACUS."

• Got a scholarship to do the MA course, so now I won't have to eat bits of bean and chewed sandwich corners from the bin to afford to get educated.
• I've moved back in with my Nan and Grandad. I've done the student living thing, it was fun living in town, but it's nice to be back where I feel more chilled out and where I will never run the unthinkable risk of running out of teabags.
• Left Sainsbury's to focus on the MA and do more volunteering and work experience. I am going to miss my wonderful colleagues, but not checkouts or exasperated explanations of supermarket transactions. Yes madam, the bags cost now. I don't care if you had a free bag in Scotland. Do I sound Scottish, butt? Give me your 5p. Tidy.
• The Natmobile is disintegrating.

Today was a day of relaxation after finishing my final shift. It was so nice just to lie in the sun with my poetry books. So nice in fact that I rolled over, fell asleep and now have a half-sunburn. I have

Spray tan? Ain't nobody got time for that.

one red leg, one red arm and the rest of me is the colour of Ready Brek. Aftersun is awkward; I am half-moisturised and confused.

I have no option but to roll over tomorrow and even it out, so if it rains I am going to turn the grill on and climb into it whilst leave half of my body dangling out.

Unfortunately, my little red Ford KA, my first car, bane of my life and beloved Natmobile is headed for Mr Scrap Man tomorrow. I don't know how I feel about this. It's failed its MOT more frequently than Stevie Wonder has failed an eye test but it's been my little Natmobile for the past 3 years and I remember how excited I was going to buy it. I'm not going to watch them take it away tomorrow morning. I feel like my cat is being put down.

And I don't even have a cat.

I wonder if Nan will let me have a cat?

Deffo feeling optimistic about this MOT

I also managed to arrange a work placement with the local newspaper which will really help me gain an insight into journalism and get me feeling more confident about The Siren. I love doing reviews so watching people in action (oi oi again) will help me learn how to do it (oi oi...oh, shut up). I will also be getting back into some volunteering. I'm not one of those people who can just sit and do nothing all day, day after day; whilst it will be nice to have a couple of weeks having a break, I need to be doing something productive. I plan to do a bit of art and short-story writing tomorrow, but in a few weeks I'll be starting as a mentor for am anti-bullying charity. This is something I feel strongly about; having been bullied horribly in school, I believe that it really had affected my self-esteem so negatively. I feel a lot better about myself now than I did then, where I wouldn't speak to anyone because I'd been told over and over how swotty, fat and ugly I was but there are some days when those insults still ring in my head and I fall silent and feel self-conscious. I think the problems I had later on were mostly to blame for what happened in school. Like many people who are bullied, damaging yourself in some way becomes a reaction, an act of self-hatred which thankfully is fading away with the confidence that poetry and writing has given me. Writing has given me something I feel I want to work at; a way to express myself and make my voice heard and the healing power art and writing is phenomenal. I know I'm not the only one to have gone through this and bullying is a massive problem for so many young people today. I think if I'd had someone to reach out to things could have been different, and I want to be that supporting hand when a young person is being hurt.

The "cool kids" at school continue to
make real successes of themselves in adult life

Interestingly, all of those bullies don't say a word today, though a group of boys who used to call me a "pig" shouted the same thing at me when I was out running a few months back.

Only this time I didn't listen. Mainly because they were hanging on street corners at twenty-one years of age with nothing to look forward to except their next dole packet, DNA test and bag of weed/lawn cuttings.

I also hope to start on a publishing placement in September which should be interesting. But until then, I have the big Graduation Day to look forward to (I am going to wear my cape and pretend to be Professor Snape when people aren't looking), a holiday in Greece (I vow only to return home with a fridge magnet and a nice tan, not liver failure, 10kg of halloumi and a baby called Nikos) and spending time with my best friends in the universe (even the ones who've moved out of the majestical lands of Swansea...Roisin I am coming to Landaahn luv).

I'm probably going to stop writing now because I want to search voluntary vacancies at the local RSPCA centre as a "cat befriender".

No, really.

"Miss Holborow, we have reason to believe there is a
Greek waiter in your suitcase."